It has been observed by all of us; rather I would say that it is the story of most of us, that whenever we have fallen in love or loved someone very deeply, the relationship withers before it blooms and our hearts break.
In the beginning of every relationship, life becomes exciting and loveable like a bed of roses but with the passage of time, the thorns of the same roses start pricking us. The colors of the rainbow begin to fade out of the same relationship and the real meaning of joy, happiness and bliss do not exist in reality. Sometimes relationships turn so nasty that beautiful emotions get converted into the poison of anger, hatred towards the same person. We suffer for months and years to come out of the pain.
There are also some very dry, faded relationships without any sweetness which we keep maintaining with all possible compromises because with time they become our needs and our security system and moreover they have the approval of our social setup.
In either case, the question remains why we are deprived of the fulfilling colors of love. We find ourselves asking “Don’t I deserve love or does love not exist???”
We keep promising ourselves never to get into the same mess again. There are some of us who accept and pretend that there is no need for love in their lives. Yet there are others who repeatedly keep searching for their true love over and over again. The basic truth remains that we cannot live without love.
Love is the most important element behind the creation of life and also the force which sustains life. Surprisingly, love is missing from our lives; so how can we feel complete. No life or living being can exist without the power of love. Mahatma Gandhi had acknowledged the essence of love when he said, “Where there is love, there is life.” Love is the natural state of our being. And when this basic ingredient is missing from our lives, life becomes more of a purpose which we have to live, rather than celebrate.
We find that despite our deepest desire to find our soul mate/ twin soul/twin flame and all such beliefs and convictions created by our minds; such kind of love eludes us. So what has gone wrong???
Let’s sit back and understand the entire process once again of what has happened to all of us. We meet a person, we start interacting with that person and if the interactions are interesting and joyful, we look forward to seeing this person again and again. The relationship then moves on to the next level to deeper depths, depending upon the intensity of the joyful interactions.
But what makes our interactions interesting? It is our common beliefs, similar interests, understanding, mutual appreciation and acceptance which lead to a joyful experience. However, if we look beyond the surface, we would find that it is all about egos of our physical, mental and emotional beings which crave for acceptance by the other person, that provide us the great joy and happiness. But do we call this as love?
Many people approach me in desperation and ask me “Kapil, When will I meet my soul mate?” “Is there any truth in the twin flame / twin soul concepts?” In my view, these people are actually waiting for their soul mates and twin flames to come to them and provide them everything all that they want and not because they want to give something to the other person. Therefore, it is seen that we love like beggars and businessmen because we are waiting to get something or do a barter system with our partners. Some may call it as mutual care, but I see it as conditions.
When you are in love with somebody you say you have fallen in love but you should always rise in love, and not fall in love. When the love becomes conditional, you fall however when it is unconditional, you rise.
The differences in a relationship start arising when either of the individual stop receiving complete acceptance from his / her partner or when they want their partners to change according to the way he/she thinks is right. What they fail to recognize is that every living being is unique and hence differences between two people are bound to exist. We go wrong at the first step as we begin a relationship on the basis of our similarities with the other person such as the way we think, the way we see or do things and the way we accept or react to things. However, as we go deeper into a relationship, we come to know about the other person, the differences start emerging, cracks appear and the sweetness of the relationship begins to erase.
It is surprising that we all talk about ideal love; we search and look forward to it, but when the time comes to give the same love, we never deliver or simply we do not have it. So why it so difficult for us to understand one simple thing that if we cannot render that pure love to someone or if it does not exists within us, then how can it be present in someone else or how can we expect someone to grant us the same love.
My dear friends, the one thing which comes out clearly is that the love which we understand is only about our acceptance, fulfilling our egos and insecurities. If this is the kind of love you are looking for, then in my little knowledge, I would say, you will never get it, in any of your lifetimes. Even if you think that you can receive this kind of love, the element of love is not visible to me in this scenario. It will be a selfish love from the person with hidden motives to be fulfilled from you and it will last till motives last.
Why do you need others to tell you that you are loveable? Why can’t you love and respect your own self? However, once you accept yourself without judging your realities as a physical, emotional and spiritual being, then you don’t need anyone to approve you. Don’t forget that you are the child of God. The more understanding you develop about yourself, the feelings of incompleteness, fears and insecurities will slowly get removed. The negative, false shells which we have created about ourselves will break and the pure divine love will then descend upon you. The meaning of love will be completely changed for you. Now it will not be about your acceptance and wanting things from others but about giving others.
Once you rise in love, it means when you love someone unconditionally, the flowers of love will bloom in your heart forever because this will be the true love, which will never lose its fragrance and will shine even in the darkest nights like stars. Nobody can hurt you, nobody can make you feel inferior because you know your true being and all you have is pure love. Now they will need you, they will be all around you. The fountains of love will flow from your heart for everyone. You and your life (love) will completely immerse in the fragrance of divine love. Now love will be a celebration in the manner the poet Rumi puts it …
“And still, after all, this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with the love like that.
It lights up the sky.”
Kapil Kumar Bhaskar is the force and founder of Divine Blessings for All (Anubhuti of Innerself ). He has been on a spiritual journey with The Masters for more than two decades. Blessed by Adi Gurus, Spiritual Guides, and Masters (who visited him out of their body form), Kapil has a deep understanding of the human psyche and has divine clarity on both esoteric and nonesoteric issues.Read More
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